THE BIG DILEMMA

In each of our daily lives we reach many crossroads where we have to make decisions that will affect us long into the future .... important decisions like; should I buy or lease this car, should I quit my gym membership to save money, should I leave this job for another opportunity or the big one -which blanket (a.k.a. "comfort item") should I strategically and systematically FORCE my child to love forever? Its this last one that has my mind tied up lately.

When I was young I had a 'Blankie'. Ive been told that my great grandmother made it for me. I am sure at one time it was white, had a pretty pattern on the fabric, and a lovely trim on the edges. By the time I was finished with it (forcibly by my mother at some ridiculously old age..thank you mom, I'd probably have that thing to this day if not for your determination and sheer will) it was grey with unraveled trim and frayed edges where the seam came undone. I loved that thing straight into its demise.

I arrived at this dilemma recently when I noticed that Rya had begun to clasp onto any blanket or burp cloth that was placed in her lap and bring it to her face. That sent me into an internal dialog of the pros and cons of all blankets in our current 'stock'. Questions arose like; "Is this replaceable in the event that the most horrid of things happens, we loose or misplace it?" or, "Will this knit unravel one day and I walk into a room with a screaming child and a pile of yarn?" or, "Will it be so long that it will collect filth and dirt when I give-in and let her take it to the grocery with us after an hour long tantrum episode?" or, most importantly, "Will it represent just how cool we really are?" If you can believe it, both my mother and my lovely husband actually entertained a conversation with me on this topic.

After much deliberation, I have chosen a hip little mass-produced 14" square 'Woobie' (a word I have loved for this beloved childhood icon since the stapling scene in the movie Mr. Mom) with a pink satin back and trim surrounding a swatch of that ridiculously fuzzy material that they make everything baby in now. Its from Swaddle Designs (http://www.eswaddle.com/). My plan is to buy several and store them in a safe place in the chance that the inevitable destruction or loss occurs. I have begun the subtle integration of said Woobie by placing it on Rya's lap or around her as much as I can - hoping beyond hope that she will think its as fabulous and practical as I do. Now I do realize, however, that she will probably abandon MY thoughtful choice and gravitate towards some hideous motif like Holly-Hobby meets Barney or something HUGE like the down comforter on our bed or, even worse, something like one of Mike's old lawn mowing shoes. I guess we shall wait and see.

ALL IN A NAME

We have been asked quite often about how we came to our daughters name. Fortunately its usually on the heels of favorable responses to it and not a "what were you thinking" type of leed-in. Honestly - the first name, Rya, was something I had written down eons ago on a tattered piece of paper that I kept in my purse along with other baby name 'options' I favored (its a girl thing, I blame its innate cheesiness on estrogen) and I cannot for the life of me remember where I picked it up from. Mike had heard a woman calling to her daughter, West, in a store and rushed home to tell me he loved the name. I liked it too but we mid-westerners have a way of not properly enunciating and it comes out as 'Wess' when said quickly - and this was NOT a cool girl name. He was sticking to his guns and I to mine...until.

One day we were going to dinner and doing that typical "What do you want to eat hunny?" "I don't know what do YOU want?" exchange (a staple conversation in ANY good marriage). After a bit more of the same type of scintillating conversation he had revealed his craving - Some Guys Italian restaurant. Unfortunately for him, that was most certainly NOT what I wanted so he struck a deal, if I would relent to his choice of food establishment, he would let me choose the first name of our child. Look, I'm no dummy - so I nonchalantly said 'ok' and that's how Rya got her first name. Having a very common first and middle name myself, and in the spirit of compromise, we selected West for the middle name and there you have it! Of course we ran the combination through the "how will this sound when I am really salty at her for coloring on the sofa with a sharpie and I want to grab her attention by saying her full name" test. It works quite nicely actually.

And although my husband will, to this day, deny the fact that he gave up his 'rights' to our child's name selection over FOOD, we both love her moniker and hope it is a precursor for how unique and sassy our little girl will become.

MY NEW FAVORITE HOLIDAY

I had a dream..........of getting some sleep sometime before 2010, and it came true on Martin Luther King day - our kid slept through the night!! I know that it could be a fluke and that she will have many-a-night of scary monsters, glasses of water and just plain orneriness in the future but I am going to relish in this moment while I can. We are both hoping that she gets mom's knack for mulit-hour naps and general all around LOVE of sleep (its actually something I list as one of my hobbies when prompted). Truthfully, I don't know how she does it with all the drama that goes on in her sleep - she flails and squeaks her way through the whole thing but manages to wake up happy and rested most times. Thought I would include a few pics of the girl in action.

SHE SMILES

I would be remiss if I did not discuss the one thing that, in the hardest of times, has kept me from shipping Rya's tiny booty off to be raised by a pack of wild dingo's...... her fantastic smile (well, that and her delicious baby scent). I don't care what the books, doctors or know-it-all's say my kid smiled at me the second week she was home. NO it was NOT gas - I had actually broken from my normal demeanour (read: stressed out maniac) to make funny faces at her and she actually smiled at me. It is amazing what crazy things grown adults will do to make a child smile - that humiliation reaps some amazing rewards. I cannot wait to see what antics we will perform to make her laugh. These are a few pics of some of her best smiles.

MY KID HATES HATS

All self respecting mothers want to dress their baby girls in the sassiest of outfits - its in our DNA. So you will all properly mourn the fact that my child does THIS (see above) whenever I put a hat on or near her head. She even starts to work up a fuss when we put a hooded sweatshirt on her! You can see her little brain working through it, "Waaaait a minute here....hoooold on - is this thing behind me a HAT? I mean this COULD be a HAT right? I .... don't .... think .... so ... lady." Needless to say its a phase I hope she grows out of.

BABY'S FIRST CHRISTMAS

The Holidays were really nice. We were thankful that our families worked to help accommodate us so we could stay close to home and not drag our newborn all over the place. We spent allot of time describing to Rya all the things we were going to do in future snowy holiday vacations....build snowmen, throw snowballs, make snow ice cream, make snow angels and build snow forts (global warming could really throw a wrench in the scheme so lets all vow to be kind to the earth...at least for a few more years until we get to do all these things). Mike and I discovered later that we both had talked to her separately about this but MY snowy adventure included hot coco afterwards so he defaulted his day and promptly told Rya that we would be going with my plans in the future (the man has a thing for coco). She got some great gifts from the grandparent brigade including Santa's future cookie plate and milk glass, her first purse (complete with princess mirror inside), and of course MORE sassy duds and super fluffy stuffed animals (two things I am convinced come in BULK when you have a baby girl). All and all it was pretty fantastic and I cannot wait to have many more with the family.

OUR FIRST BATH

Ok, if this is not the cutest thing you have ever seen then...I don't know what but its darn cute!! Of course she cried like a wild banshee the entire time but instantly stopped when I held her up in what I call the 'sumo' pose (her cheeks look like a sumo wrestler).

THIS BABY THING IS HARD!

Look people, let me tell you something.

All the parents who try and glaze over the first 6 weeks of having a newborn at home with comments like; "Its a challenge but its so much fun" or, "Its just the lack of sleep that's getting to us" or (and this one is my favorite) "He/She was such an angel, sleeping through the night at the first week and hardly ever crying." are either CRAZY or they are LYING to you. Yes it IS a challenge - FUN....um.... not necessarily. Lack of sleep is just the tip of the iceberg, the endless hours of crying, the worry about doing something that would eventually be their demise, the racking your brain for that ONE thing that will soothe this savage beast, the endless hours of crying....you get the picture. And for those who have that 'angel' baby - you will get yours, oh yes, maybe not now but someday your sweet offspring will square off with you and make you wish they were tiny and perfect again. I like to think that Rya will be the most congenial of teenagers to make up for her squirly ways as a baby by always doing her homework without being told, tidying up 'just because', being 5 minutes early for curfew every time, only dating boys when she is 18 and in college, saving herself for marriage....(don't kill the dream people - this fantasy is how I get through my days ok.)

P.S. Notice the bags underneith my eyes and the faux smile that says "It took me 45 minutes to soothe her and if that flash wakes this baby I will kick your ass!"

A BIT OF TROUBLE

Everything was going along wonderfully in the hospital until the second day. Rya swallowed some 'goo' on the way out and had the first of a series of choking incidents where she stopped breathing and turned blue. Luckily the incredible nursing staff was nearby every time so she could get the appropriate care. We stayed an extra day in the hospital for observation and to learn infant CPR from the NICU docs (a dreadful thing to do when you think you might have to use it on your OWN child one day). Fortunately, her little system became stronger and she grew out of this phase. We felt so blessed to have such a wonderful support system of family, friends and especially the doctors and nurses at the hospital - some of which we consider true friends.

Needless to say, it was terrifying and sent me into somewhat of a tailspin when we settled back at home. With only 20 hours of sleep in 7 days, the extreme stress of her choking issues and raging post delivery hormones - I developed severe post partum depression. It is an embarrassing thing to admit - I guess most moms don't because maybe they think that others will judge them for not being ELATED over the birth of their little one but I think more women should be open and honest about it so we can support each other. I never once thought of harming myself or Rya - thank god. My more notable symptoms were insomnia, loss of appetite, vomiting, nervousness and extreme anxiety that resulted in debilitating panic attacks. We had prepared ourselves for this by discussing with my OBGYN the possibility that I would get PPD (depression runs in the family). Mike took control and called the doctor, who put me on Lexipro and that really helped.

Again, I urge more moms to talk about the difficulty they have after childbirth - even if its not PPD but just the feelings that go along with the incredible life change that children bring with them. I will tell you, after my mom-friends told me they had some of the same feelings that I was having it made me feel SO much better about myself as a new mom.

THE DELIVERY

The delivery was...dare I say...fun?! We choose to induce so we could guarantee that the experience was 'hosted' by our OBGYN, and not some cranky on-call doc that we did not know. Long story short:

• Contractions HURT.
• Epidurals are niiiice.
• Pushing is freakin HARD.
• Looking at your lady bits in a mirror when a tiny human is coming out of them is just plain surreal.
• Having your husband right by your side telling you he loves you and you are amazing as HE sees my lady bits in this state is even more surreal.
• Hanging out in between pushes is much more entertaining when the doc and nurses are rocking out to the ipod playlist that your husband lovingly crafted.
• Cannot begin to explain the emotions of seeing her for the first time - or the high pitched squealing/crying that I was making at that moment.
• Not a stitch to be sewn, was up walking a few minutes afterwards and took two Motrin a few hours later...........i am woman HEAR ME ROAR!

Rya West was born on November 7th, 2008 at 3:41 P.M. at 21" long and 6 lbs 11oz - and to us, simply perfect.

FINALLY

It took three years of winging it, NOT winging it, peeing on sticks, copious Internet research, doctors appointments, surgery, crying, laughing, crying again, peeing on MORE sticks and doing "it" like crazed monkeys to create this little girl. I tell you, it was all worth every bloody second of it. We cannot thank everyone enough for all the expertise, support, love and prayers that helped us fulfill this dream.