Sunday, January 18, 2009


Everything was going along wonderfully in the hospital until the second day. Rya swallowed some 'goo' on the way out and had the first of a series of choking incidents where she stopped breathing and turned blue. Luckily the incredible nursing staff was nearby every time so she could get the appropriate care. We stayed an extra day in the hospital for observation and to learn infant CPR from the NICU docs (a dreadful thing to do when you think you might have to use it on your OWN child one day). Fortunately, her little system became stronger and she grew out of this phase. We felt so blessed to have such a wonderful support system of family, friends and especially the doctors and nurses at the hospital - some of which we consider true friends.

Needless to say, it was terrifying and sent me into somewhat of a tailspin when we settled back at home. With only 20 hours of sleep in 7 days, the extreme stress of her choking issues and raging post delivery hormones - I developed severe post partum depression. It is an embarrassing thing to admit - I guess most moms don't because maybe they think that others will judge them for not being ELATED over the birth of their little one but I think more women should be open and honest about it so we can support each other. I never once thought of harming myself or Rya - thank god. My more notable symptoms were insomnia, loss of appetite, vomiting, nervousness and extreme anxiety that resulted in debilitating panic attacks. We had prepared ourselves for this by discussing with my OBGYN the possibility that I would get PPD (depression runs in the family). Mike took control and called the doctor, who put me on Lexipro and that really helped.

Again, I urge more moms to talk about the difficulty they have after childbirth - even if its not PPD but just the feelings that go along with the incredible life change that children bring with them. I will tell you, after my mom-friends told me they had some of the same feelings that I was having it made me feel SO much better about myself as a new mom.

1 comment:

Nicole A. said...

You are such a strong, nurturing, sound, and loving mother and I praise you for opening up about this very tough battle that many mom's will one day experience. You are such a fabulous wife to Mike, a caring sister, an amazing friend, and most of all a loving and proud mother. You and Michael have mastered many challenges...but together, which is most important. Rya West Grilley is the most stunning child and her aunt and uncle love her very, very much!

Add to Technorati Favorites