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Apparently Rya is a giant among babies. If I had a nickel for every stranger that stopped us to remark on the size of my infant I would be off unemployment, sporting Manolo's and driving a Mercedes. No joke - waiters, check out girls, grandmas, gas station attendants (OK, I made that last one up but wouldn't it be retro-cool if they still HAD gas stations attendants?) - all say something to the effect of, "She must be a good eater!" or straight up, "She is so big!" Its not like I am surprised. I, mean, she is in the 90th percentile in both height and weight for her age but I guess I don't view her that way. I just don't think I have or WOULD ever say any thing like that - off the cuff ... to a stranger ... about their offspring.
I knew there must be some unabashed truth to the matter when I ran into a friend of mine (of whom shall remain nameless because I am sure that, as she reads this, is cowering under her desk in the sheer mortification of even a slight reference to her or this incident) at a birthday party and the first thing that came out of her adorable 4 year old daughters mouth when introduced to Rya was, "She is HUGE!!" The humor of the comment being amplified by the many conversations we have had on how crazy it is that everyone remarks on Rya's size and the fact that about fifteen people were within earshot and a perfect audience to the unfiltered (and correct) musings of a young mind. I laughed so hard and instantly said to mom, "Oh - THAT is going in the blog for SURE!!"
OK, so my baby is HUGE. I'm cool with it. All those dimply rolls and mountains of cheeks just make her one big squishy ball of adorable heavenly smelling lusciousness - and what could be better than that?
That, my dear friends is the number for Poison Control. I know this because, this morning, while getting Rya ready for the day - I unknowingly placed a pea sized dollop of A&D Antibiotic Ointment onto her toothbrush and ..... brushed her teeth with it.
UmHmm. That's right. I poisoned my own daughter in the name of proper dental hygiene.
Look, the tube is the same size color and location as the toothpaste and it just happened OK. The crazy thing is that she did not flinch. No additional whining or flailing - just let me brush her teeth. I only noticed because it has a distinct smell and the instant I caught a whiff I panicked and scrambled to read the tube (which says to keep away from children and if swallowed call poison control). Great. So I called and the lady at the center was really nice. Not judgey at all like I had feared her to be (I mean, what kind of a dumb ass mistakenly brushes her kids teeth with antibiotic creme). Good news is that it turns out you have to ingest at least a half a tube to have an adverse effect.
Crazier still is that fact that, although Rya is an impressive eater with a diverse palette and a never ending appetite, the kid gaged like crazy when I fed her scrambled eggs a week ago. I mean, it totally freaked her out. She would not finish the rest of that meal OR her next meal because of the trauma that scrambled eggs brought forth in her tiny little brain. I had to calmly reassure her for the next few days that each item I placed in front of her was NOT the dreaded ovum she feared it to be.
Not to mention the fact that she will crawl along the floor and, like a hoover, place every last bit of schmegma from her chosen path into her mouth. This includes little nuggets like leaf bits, lint or the occasional (and unavoidable no matter how thorough or frequently one vacuums) cat hair tumble weed. (You all have seen my cat - seriously?!) Yea, Ewwww - is right! And she just chews it like its no big deal while watching me dive across the room to finger scoop it out of her mouth. It amazes me that she is so discerning of foods at times but will gladly ingest HAIR and ANTIBIOTIC OINTMENT like its no big thing.
I admit that I thought twice about telling you all this. But that's what this blog is all about - talking about the dirty underbelly of child rearing. Not all of us are perfect and those that appear to be are well, lying to you. So I hope that someone feels better by knowing that another mother has messed up too.
I know its been a long time since I have written. Do you blame me? I am busy on the phone with life safety providers and chasing around my kid, fishing things out of her mouth. Never fear though. I'm not lacking in material that's for sure. I have a laundry list of blog entry topics to write about to complete this year of our journey together as mother and child. So I will start back from where I left off and get back in the mix. Thanks for sticking with me.
